Just Some Thoughts

Life has been a rough haul the last couple months. I know that things have seemed much more difficult because Berkeley has been gone. He just has a way of keeping me level headed, calm, and more patient. He always knows just what to say and do to make me feel special especially during times when I feel down. Only 2 1/2 weeks until he gets home and I can't wait to have him back!! I can't wait to share the responsibility of Asa with him again. I have never been more tired in my whole life than I have been the last two months. No joke. Who knew an infant could take so much out of you. My biggest struggle with Asa is sleeping. The nights are bad. He usually does a 3 hour shift to start the night then wakes up every hour or two after that. I only feed him ever 4 hours if possible, but he just wakes up and cries and squirms. I started doing some sleep training two nights ago. He is crying himself to sleep and in the night I usually let him fuss for quite a while in hopes that he will learn to put himself back to sleep. So far that hasn't worked. It is just hard. I am tired. Hopefully he will start to learn how to be a better sleeper soon or I might go crazy. I ran into my good friend yesterday. She has a baby one month younger than Asa. I asked her how he sleeps and she said he goes to bed at 10 pm and doesn't wake up until 8 am!! Is it normal to feel jealous over your friends babies?? Also, Asa is such a fussy little guy a lot of the time and it is so hard not knowing how long this phase will last. I wish I could see the end of the fussy period and get a glimpse of what it will be like when he is happy and content more often. He does have some good days and usually some good times each day. When he smiles it melts my heart and makes things seem so worth it. I just can't wait until there is more of that happening. I keep telling myself that this time will pass and things will get easier. Until then I pray a lot and ask for the strength and energy I need to keep plugging along. Sometimes I feel guilty for complaining because I realize what a blessing it is to be a mother and the love I have for Asa is unlike any love I've ever experienced. My sister-in-law Jackie said it perfectly. She said that kids are "a wonderful trial" but so worth it. I am learning so much every day mostly about myself. I know I am developing patience, endurance, and faith in the Lord's will and timing. I also know that Berkeley and I made the right decision about joining the military, so the struggles I'm facing now must be for my good. Thanks to all of you for being such great friends. Thank you for all the phone calls just to see how we're doing. Thanks for your prayers in our behalf. We love you guys.