Thursday, April 22, 2010
Crap.
Does anyone else find it insanely difficult to ask for help? What is that all about?! Today has been a day from hell and as I type I'm listening to Asa scream it out in his crib all the while feeling sick with cramps and wanting nothing more than to just disappear to somewhere dark and quiet where no one even knows I exist. Privacy. I have forgotten the meaning of that word. I always have little eyes watching no matter what I am doing...using the bathroom...showering...it doesn't matter what. No amount of love can change the fact that being a mom is hard and sometimes really sucky work. I feel like I can complain double time considering I have been a single parent for 5 months out of the last year with one left to go. Right now I'm mad at Utah too. What the heck is up with this weather?! Now that my child has explored the great outdoors, keeping him inside is like trying to cage a wild animal. It has been rainy the last two days and we are both sick of each other. I am sick of his constant fussing and I'm sure he is sick of me for many reasons. Back to my asking for help bit...I have been this way my whole life. Independent and totally unwilling to ask anyone for help. It's like if I ask for help, I am confessing that I can't handle my own responsibilities. I also worry myself sick about burdening others. My mom is always babysitting everyone's kids (granted they are her grandchildren) but she needs her own life too. My mother in law is always willing, but she keeps herself busy with work so I hate to add to her schedule. Everyone else is just a plain out "no way". These are the types of thoughts that always come into my head when I am about to break and call someone for relief. Stupid huh?! All I can think about is that I have five weeks until we've made it through this ridiculous military training...and when I say ridiculous, I mean it. Berkeley would agree. Parenting is meant to be a two person job and I'm pretty sure spouses are supposed to be together. Here's hoping I will be able to survive a deployment if it happens. Blah.
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6 comments:
I am horrible at asking for help. I don't even know how to ask. And then something happens and I need a lot of help and I don't know who to turn to.
But I always remind myself what I'm always telling my husband "I can't help you if I don't know what you need" so I always try to tell people what I need if I need help.
Hang in there--I am hoping it will go by fast, the last couple of weeks. It is hard to ask for help, I always feel the same way, I don't want to be a burden. JJ starts the more time consuming years this summer and I know it will be hard to be mostly a single parent.
Annie, we love you so stinking much! And if you need anything just come by. We love playing with Asa, so if you want some time to yourself or just a NAP, call us up and we'll take him! 5 weeks will go by fast, you just watch. Before you know it life will be back to normal again.
I am amazed at how you do it! I was thinking of you the other night when Juliet and I were away from Justin for one night and I thought how hard it would be if I were doing it for longer. Please let us have Asa over to play any time you need a break because I know Juliet would love it and I know you have got to have some sort of break sometimes!!!
Asking for help totally bites. But (prepare for a profound statement) it does help.
We've been going through some complications with this pregnancy and we've had to depend on lots of people. Right now I'm actually on bedrest and hopefully will be for another two weeks (it's better than inducing before she's ready!) but finding people to watch Betsy is a real pain.
For me, I have found it gets easier, and I am often surprised at how people are far more willing to help (as opposed to just say the token "call me" phrases) than I expect.
poor annie. i'm sorry that you want to crawl into a hole. your post reminded me of a time when I was nannying. I just had the 7 month old home and she was taking a nap... but that ENTIRE day I had the worst cramps one could imagine. i mean, I couldn't even stand up and I thought I was going to throw up. I was 30 minutes from home and JJ was at law school. I was so close to calling him and begging for him to leave class and come help me with the kids. But instead, I crawled out on the front porch and laid there in the hot sun to make my cramps feel better. The house maid was there at this time, and she had to come outside and tell me, "uhhh the baby is crying"... I could go on, but I won't. My point is, I feel bad for you. My experience with cramps and having to watch kids sucked.
I hope you get feeling better! OH and count your blessings.... I only wish I had the pleasure of inconveniencing (that might be a made up word)my family members to take care of ollie for a bit.
Love ya girl!
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