Thursday, March 19, 2009
OH MY GOSH. HELP.
First off, I must say that I love my little boy so much. That being said, I have to be honest. This motherhood thing is so hard for me. Asa cries most every waking moment. The only time he seems content is when he is nursing or asleep. It is rare that I can comfort him for any amount of time unless I am up and bouncing him and constantly changing his positioning. I lay him down and just let him scream sometimes, but even that is terribly stressful for me because all I want to do is pick him up and do my best to comfort him. The last two days have been especially bad with Asa only sleeping about 3 hours during the day and crying the remainder of the time. I got worried that something was wrong so we took him to the pediatrician tonight. He is healthy. He has gained a good amount of weight. No fever or signs of any other ailment. He just cries. And cries. And cries. I know this is probably normal for a lot of babies, but I am really struggling to not let it get me down. I hate feeling like I don't know how to comfort my own baby. I really want to enjoy my son and enjoy motherhood, but so often it is hard and tedious work. So...any and all comments, advice, sympathies are welcome! Thanks for letting me vent.
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17 comments:
Girl! I'm so sorry to hear about this. It sounds to me that Asa is colicky. That must be so hard. My advice to you is to watch that DVD we got you: Happiest Baby on the Block. I think it could possibly help you. Its about how to get babies to stop crying and to sleep better.
I would also invest in a swing if you can afford it. The motion can help calm colicky babies. Find one that can swing forward and back as well as side to side. I think Fisher Price makes one that has an ocean theme. Parker has that and it used to calm him down.
Another thing that might help is some white noise. It always gets Parker to stop crying. Turn the radio to a static station and turn it up to the volume that Asa is crying.
I know its SO hard to hear your baby cry. You are such a tough cookie that you're still doing a great job. I wish so bad that I could be there to help you and just take Asa for a few hours. I really want to talk to you on the phone when you get a minute.
So - my biggest advice: Watch the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD while Asa is crying. I think you'll be amazed at the results.
Please call me!! I love you. Hang in there.
Here are some resources on colic:
http://infantstoddlers.suite101.com/article.cfm/colic_
http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/Mosby_factsheets/infant_colic.html
http://children.webmd.com/tc/colic-overview
I second the swing idea. Find a friend that has one and isn't using it for the time being because I remember that was one thing Nixon really enjoyed too. I also bought a ceramic fan and put it on anytime Nixon slept for the white noise (it's not as annoying as static on a radio) because sadly, I had to have a fan all growing up cause that's what my parents did to me and I still have nixon sleep with the fan noise on in his room and it is really soothing for him. But when he was brand new, he just slept next to me in the bed so the boob is what made it work. Along with the fan in the background in our room.
There's lots of things to try, but don't get discouraged if some things don't work because not all babies are the same and not all methods work. Like all those sleeping methods, we tried ALL of them with Nixon... none of them worked. So just hang in there. I know your doing your best and it's hard being a mom. Just take a breather when you need to. Walk outside and let him scream in the house for a min just to catch your breath. It's ok. ;)
Annie, if you'd like, you can try Asa in our swing and see if it helps before you buy one. I'd offer to let you borrow it for a few days or weeks except that we depend on it for Maland a lot. I'd hate for you to go to the trouble of shopping for, buying, setting up, and returning a swing if it doesn't help at all. (You don't need another headache like that.) So come over sometime and try it out.
We also have a little bouncer thing. Except it doesn't bounce, it just vibrates. You are welcome to try Asa in that too and see if it helps.
Another thing, did the hospital give you that DVD called The Period of Purple Crying? I'm not saying that it has all the answers (I actually haven't watched it), but it may give you some ideas. We actually have two (one from our prenatal classes and one that the hospital gave us when Maland was born) so if you don't have one, you can have one of the ones we have.
I'm sorry it has been so hard. Good luck!
Hey Sweetie,
I feel aweful for you and I hear Kim is having troubles also. I heard that you can put the carrier on the washer while it's running and that will help put them to sleep and I have a glider rocker which is like a swing that sits more on the floor. let me know Scott and I can bring it to you. If we can help let us know.
Annie, I'm sorry to hear that it's been hard. Crying is one of those things that really hits a nerve and you just want to comfort them. I don't have much more advice than has already been given but I definately agree that getting a swing might be the way to go. Kiera would only sleep if I was holding her or she was sleeping curled up with me. So we got a swing and she'd actually sleep in it- it was a lifesaver and sanity saver! But I'd say try one out first to see if he likes it before investing a lot (or try like Kid-to-kid over by Cafe Rio so you don't have to pay full price.) Good luck hun!
Annie,
I am a long time friend of Lexi's we met at her baby shower, I hope you don't mind I found your blog from hers :) One thing that worked for me was a baby sling, my step mom made one for me, your welcome to borrow if you want to try it, the baby lays in it and it swings them and in a way makes them feel like they are in the womb. Though you have to be up and walking to calm them down it allows you to do it hands free. My little Phoebe isn't a big fan of her swing but every baby is different I would suggest trying a little of everything.
Annie, I've so been there, girl!!! First of all, hang in there. Second of all, don't jump to any conclusions. I would hesitate to say he's colic-y because he's so young. I don't think it develops until a certain age, but maybe Asa is already at that age. Ask your pediatrician. Next, you are a great mom. You are doing nothing wrong that is causing this. You care too much for Asa for this to be something you are doing wrong.
So here's my advice, after having 2 babies. Nurse him. I would get so caught up in figuring out when Lainey ate and how long and then when she would cry I would be adamant that she couldn't be hungry because she just ate, but looking back, I realize I should've just let her nurse some more. Lots of babies cluster feed at night because breast milk is thinner at night than in the mornings, so he'll want to feed more often in the evening while he's getting ready to sleep lots. This need to cluster feed in the evenings leaves lots of parents to assume their baby has colic, when really he's just hungry. But this is just my opinion. I could totally be wrong.
Swaddling (from Happiest Baby on the Block) is AWESOME and they have great instructions on how to do it RIGHT. Swings are also GREAT! I agree with your friends, borrow some of this stuff and see what works with Asa.
Annie, Lainey cried a lot in the evening and at night for the first few weeks and it was just a passing phase. I use to sing the "Ohh Child things are gonna get easier" song to get us through the rough spots, and now when I hear that song, it reminds me of holding my baby and brings back such great memories. Really. Don't worry, this will be over as soon as you figure out how to deal with it. Make sure you get the rest you need. SUPER important! Good luck!
Hey Annie! Motherhood is extremely hard, I'm right there with ya. All I can say is hang in there for one more month and things will start to get so much better, I promise. He'll start sleeping longer, realizing there's more to do when he's awake than eat and cry, and best of all, he'll be smiling and cooing and just melting your heart! As for getting him to stop crying, here are a couple things that worked for me.
Jack loved the swing and slept in it all the time, but Sophie won't have anything to do with it. She just wants to be held all day long. And you can't sit down, you have to be up and walking. When she gets really upset, I will take her into the bathroom, lay her on the rug, turn on the tub faucet and just let it run. The loud noise will calm her down instantly. And sometimes I'll let her lay there while I go do dishes or clean up for a few minutes. I'm sure people are gonna freak out that I'm wasting water, but there's a certain point where you just don't care. She also likes the sound of my blowdryer. So I'll turn it on and set it on the counter while I do my makeup and get dressed. It keeps her calm long enough for me to get ready for the day.
I've also had to just take both kids for a drive late at night because nothing would settle them down. They would fall asleep in the car and I could at least get in a little quiet time.
If you need to freak out, do it. I had a complete mental breakdown when Sophie was a few weeks old. I was just so tired and couldn't handle it anymore, and was afraid I was going to hurt her. So Scott brought the bassinet out to the living room and slept on the couch so I could get a full nights sleep. Since you're nursing that will be harder for you, but I would suggest having Berkely take Asa out of the bedroom for a full night or maybe a full Saturday and only bring him in to you when he needs to eat. And maybe get a good pair of earplugs. : ) You will feel so much better after you get some good sleep, and then you'll be able to take care of him and let Berkeley get some rest.
Hang in there! It will all be worth it soon! Bring him in to Zimmer soon for lunch and we can trade babies for a little while. : )
I'm so sorry. I know it's hard. Braden was that way for the first 10 weeks and magically just changed to a different happy child with no explanation (especially since they're supposed to get better at 6 weeks if it's colic)
Our swing was also a life saver. We got a fisherprice one that glides and swings. And it plugs into the wall, so we could leave it going all night without fearing the batteries would die and we'd have to start all over again. Biggest help- have someone take him on a walk. Then you don't have to hear the screaming. I had a friend do this and it was amazing. I was much better able to cope with the screaming all day and was better for days with just a short break.
Hey Annie. I wish I were closer and could come take him from you. Maybe a drive in the car up to our house would quiet him for a little while!! Anytime you want, you're welcome to come over for a break!
I agree with the feeding comment. I let my babies nurse whenever they cried. When they are so young it's hard to get them on a schedule yet, let him do what he wants, and if it's eating that's just fine. Maybe he'll chunk up a bit like Lou!
Good luck.
Jackie
Annie,
I am sooo sorry to hear about this. I would also agree not to jump to any conclusions too quick. I know you are doing a great job and being a grat mom. It is hard to hear them cry. Even with my third it is SOOOO hard. Hang in there it will get better.
I am all about feeding your baby whenever they cry. All three of mine have been different. Jonathan I fed all the time. He had nursing problems so that was another issue, but if I was not nursing him he would cry all the time. I feel your pain. I loved the book, "Happiest baby on the Block". It talked all about swaddling, white noise, sucking, swinging...all the good stuff that has been mentioned. I was big in giving my kids binkies...especially Jonathan. I know some don't like them, but we had to 'train' Jonathan how to take one, but it helped soo much. He just needed to suck more than others and that helped a lot because he had something else to suck on besides me.
With all that said...you are the mom and you know what is best for your little one. Take a break when needed, don't be afraid to ask for help, and hang in there...you are great!
Oh Annie-I know how rough it can be. I remember listening to Madison cry and just crying myself because it is so hard to hear when you don't know what to do. Jaxson was good at helping me realize that it is okay for babies to cry. As long as they are fed and changed, it won't hurt them because you love him enough already.
Everyone has given good advice so far. My advice would be to take a break sometimes. Crying really grates on your nerves, so sometimes you just have to put the baby in the crib and go outside where you can't hear it. It really made me feel better and helped me calm down to just walk away from it all for a minute. I know that seems against natural instinct, but it really is okay to give yourself a break. Good luck with everything!
i'm so sorry! here's what i've found helps calm our screaming baby:
car ride
vacuum
blow dryer
swing
good luck!
Oh honey I'm sooo sorry!! I know nothing about babies, but my friend just went through this and it turned out that her baby had acid reflux and it was really hard to detect. But they put it on Zantac and it totally made a difference.
As in totally different baby.
Annie, Just let me say, crying won't hurt your baby. Its okay if they cry. My friend's pediatrician said, if they cry for two hours, it will not hurt them.. So Do give yourself breaks.
My advice is opposit of some on here. But the book On Becoming Babywise worked for us. It teaches you to
1. feed the baby, make sure he absolutely gets a full feeding, even if you have to work REALLY hard to keep him awake
2: Give him awake time, even if its only 15 minutes at first or a little longer.
3: Then put him down for a nap.
That way he will be awake and hopefully happy (being fully fed) for a little while and sleep till his next feeding.
That will also give his little tummy a break if he is colicky.
Both my babies and my sisters babies were very content with this type of schedule even though kaiya was a colicky type eater. They also slept through the night very early on, by following advice from this book.
Good luck - you are a great Momma!
From everything I've heard from my friends, your baby is just a freak of nature (as far as the crying goes). Hopefully he'll be the perfect teenager to make up for it. My advice (coming from someone with tons of experience): lower your expectations of yourself.
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